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Silly Girl

When I was a kid, I used to hear a lot of ringing in my left ear. I never knew why it happened, and I never bothered to tell anyone about it. The ringing wasn’t bothersome the way loud clanging of a church bell might be. All I heard were soft intermittent tones that are very much like what you hear when you take a standard hearing test.
At some point I began to believe that the ringing in my ear was the voice of God Himself, checking in to tell me that I was being very naughty and to STOP IT IMMEDIATELY. Sometimes He would tell me He loved me even when I felt no one else did. Sometimes all I got was “Good job, kid!” or “Lookin’ good, girl!” but that was enough encouragement to feed me for weeks. I’m not sure what it was exactly that led me to believe such a thing, but I suspect reading Judy Blume’s Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret might have had a little to do with it. Too much time alone and too few playmates had A LOT to do with it.
Over time the ringing subsided and the instances became few and far between. But this morning I heard ringing in my left ear and I couldn’t help but laugh as I remembered how I would instantly be bowled over with guilt if I was caught being naughty (which was quite often, to be honest) or how I’d feel a rush of pure joy, believing how special and important I must’ve been that the good Lord took five seconds out of His day to send me a personal cryptic message that only I could hear and understand.

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