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Never Too Much

Lately I’ve been anxious with feelings that I am not doing enough. I’m not creating enough, not saving enough money, not giving enough, not involved enough.
On not creating enough. I suspect the feelings I have of not creating enough is a direct result of taking a vacation. I know I should feel refreshed and raring to go at work and I’ll get there. It’s just taking me a while to transition from vacation mode to productivity mode. It doesn’t help that I don’t have a million deadlines looming; I work best under pressure and with my back against a deadline.
On not saving enough. I spent only $40 over what I alloted myself for the trip. If that’s not a mark of self-control, I don’t know what is. 🙂 But it’s not enough. I want to build a nice healthy nest egg. More than that, I want to start planning my next trip. Maybe I should stop automatically turning down freelance gigs.
On not giving enough. I’m not an active volunteer for any one cause. I put change in the Red Cross or Lion’s Club containers at various store counters and I buy fundraiser lunch plates, but that’s about it. It’s hardly worth mentioning. Relay For Life is coming up. Anyone want to walk a few miles with me?
On not being involved enough. Lately, this has weighed the most on my mind because in case you haven’t noticed, local news is just bad all around. Southern high, the fiasco at the Legislature, the cost of living steadily on the rise, and on and on. I told my friend Jason that I didn’t know what else I could do, other than vote for politicians I think are best suited to serve. I still don’t know what else can be done. I just don’t want to be someone who criticizes and complains about how things are and never lifts a finger in effort to improve things. We all know someone like that, and we all secretly dislike being around them.
It’s tricky sometimes, this business of being a grownup. Times like these make me miss the days when my only responsibilities were to go to school and make rice for my dad when I got home.

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5 Responses

  1. Julie says:

    hey chica, im SO glad to hear im not the only one feeling like this. seriously. . .am i working hard enough at being better. . . generally. i thought it was my pre-30 crisis, which it may still be, but for now, im writing it off as a post vacation funk.

  2. Josie says:

    It could be both. I felt a little anxious before I turned 30. 🙂

  3. Joie says:

    I have felt and feel the same way. Am I doing everything I can to be the best person I can be? That’s what lead me to do a 1/2 marathon last year and raise money for a good cause. I’m trying to figure out if I want to do it again this year.
    I really enjoyed this post as the same questions go through my mind.

  4. fabmimi says:

    I have so much ammo left in me to go back to school. It’s great to reflect on these things. On the contrary, I always feel overstimulated and can’t decide which way to go. Somehow I still manage to fill my time. I’m inspired by the you in so many ways, my friend.

  5. Lescentive says:

    I understand the emotions you were feeling when you posted this… I remember when all i had to do was get good grades and come home to cook rice after middle school ended.. then i kicked back in my room and would talk endlessly on the phone or listen to music on my pink stereo.. yes i had a pink phone.. lmao.. the days..

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