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Love and Marriage

At the end of this month (April 29) Addison and I will celebrate our sixth anniversary. If everything goes according to plan, we will celebrate the weekend in Rota.
Six years.
Add to that the two years we dated before getting engaged and that there is one quarter of my life. It is a significant amount of time, but I swear I just blinked and six years went by. Time moves so fast.
“You seem like such good friends. How do you keep it up?” someone once asked me.
“Easy,” I answered. “We only see each other on weekends.”
If you want the truth, the truth is that marriage (and I’m drawing from my own limited experience here) is a lot of work. Not long after our honeymoon, we just sort of fell back into the routine we had going on before we got married, i.e. being single and doing as we each pleased. One of the hardest adjustments I had to make was just learning to live with another person in the house, as up until I got married I lived alone…and I really loved living alone. All of a sudden there was a whole other person taking up my closet space, eating all my Cookie Crisp and -gasp- setting a new roll of toilet paper on top of the empty cardboard roll instead of just replacing the roll altogether. I did a lot of lecturing during our first year of marriage. Addi did a lot of tuning out and glazing over.
What I’ve learned over the last six years is that marriage does not and will not survive just on the feeling of being in love. Feelings are fickle. Your spouse will eventually do something that will hurt or anger you to the point where you do not feel like loving him or her. Marriage is commitment and commitment means you are willing to be unhappy or even miserable until you work it out or come to an understanding. That may mean giving up your “rights” or what you think is fair in order to restore peace in the relationship. And that, my friends, is by far the hardest adjustment we have had to make and continue to make. For we are both stubborn, proud individuals who strive to get what we want. We do not like accepting defeat without putting up a fight. Oh we still fight, only now we pick and choose our battles because, honestly? Some fights are really not worth fighting. Sometimes the best thing you can do is not analyze the situation. Just forgive, forget, and move on. (Easier said than done, I know.)
Every day brings new challenges and changes and I am getting better and better at moving with the current instead of instinctively trying to swim against it, exhausting and frustrating myself in the process. There remains plenty of room for growth and maturity, and I am so much more comfortable now accepting the things I cannot change or control…my husband’s behavior, for example. And the things I used to think made me unhappy in that first year are so small and insignificant now.
All except the part about replacing the empty roll of toilet paper. I nipped that in the bud straightaway.

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18 Responses

  1. Haji says:

    Congrats on 6 years!
    What is it about toilet tissue and newlyweds? In my first week of marriage, I also “I nipped (a tissue thing) in the bud straightaway”.
    We also had fights like you describe, but that all stopped the day when we had our first son six years ago. It’s been bliss since.

  2. Josie says:

    Nice.
    Keep it going. πŸ™‚

  3. rhia says:

    from what i’ve read on your blog thus far i think you guys are doing great. :]
    sharing the bathroom, now that is a HUGE commitment. lmao!

  4. Josie says:

    Thanks. πŸ™‚
    Someone gave me this advice when I was engaged and I gladly pass it on to anyone thinking about getting married or moving in together: whatever you do, get a place with two bathrooms.

  5. inna says:

    congratulations. you are a lovely pair.
    fortunately, brent grew up with 4 sisters- so the toilet paper and toilet seat issue was never an issue. when we got married, one of the advises that stuck was “don’t sweat the small stuff”. were only a year behind you guys…brent and i will celebrate our 5th in june.

  6. Josie says:

    Brent’s sisters trained him well. πŸ™‚
    5 years! Go Wieses!

  7. Les says:

    wow.. i am soo happy for the you .. the both of you.. I hear you on the challenges… got me thinking of myself.. would have been 5 years this summer for blue and I, how time passes before us in a blink of an eye.. I’m soo happy for the both of you.. hugz….
    ANG!

  8. Gerald says:

    Happy Anniversary. After reading your post, I feel it can apply to any situation where one has to live and room with someone. And your right, some things are just petty, and so I’m gonna stop hiding my housemates wallet and keys when he upsets me. Let the maturing commence.

  9. Tricia says:

    Congratulations on six years of marital bliss! Can you train my husband to replace the toilet paper roll? πŸ˜‰

  10. Josie says:

    Hugs, Ang! πŸ™‚
    Gerald, hiding keys and wallet is ok if said roomate is drunk and wants to take your baby Cougar out for a spin. P.S. I miss you! πŸ™
    Tricia, it was such an effort to train my own husband, I don’t think I have it in me to train someone else’s. haha πŸ™‚

  11. Jess says:

    Happy Anniversary, babe!
    In this day, when 5 years seems to be the new forever, you and Addi are a true inspiration.
    *Fingers crossed for Rota! Have a great 6th honeymoon πŸ™‚

  12. Josie says:

    Thanks, babe. I pride myself on being able to boast about outlasting (what used to be) the most beautiful couple in the world–Brad & Jen! πŸ˜‰

  13. fabmimi says:

    here’s to 6 years! donovan and i have been living together for nearly *gasp 8 years…just about as long as we’ve been “dating” and i put that in quotes because we are beyond dating lol. one day (*ahem soon i hope) we’ll jump the fence to your side…with the married folk hehehe.

  14. Josie says:

    8 years! That’s wonderful. Were you highschool sweethearts? πŸ™‚

  15. Joie says:

    CONGRATULATIONS! Happy Anniversary! Chris and I have been together since 1991, we were married in 2000. I realize we’ve been together almost half of my life. I’m 31 going on 32. ;)I totally agree that it takes a lot of work. I think it’s all worth it.

  16. fabmimi says:

    Dear no…probably least expected person I thought I’d end up with. I was an Academy chick as he calls me and he was a JFK jock/stud/geek. LOL. We met shortly after hs. blah blah blah
    Have fun in ROTA. I recently viewed a Travel Channel special about Rota…I can’t wait to see your photos!

  17. Michelle says:

    Sorry kinda’ late .. but Happy Anniversary as well! πŸ™‚ One day, someday, I’ll be able to share my personal space with someone. But until then things are cool the way they are.

  18. min says:

    congrats josie & addi!! you two are the cutest, i love all the adventures you guys are always up to!

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