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Oh, He’s Just A Friend

Here’s a secret: I tend to have my guard up around women.
Why? Off the top of my head, a few reasons: I hate girl drama, I hate gossip, I don’t really care for shopping, and even though I watched every single episode of Sex & The City on dvd, I didn’t really (and still don’t) understand the hype. Frankly, I think that show caused more than one semi-smart woman to turn dumb. I do not believe that every move or sound made by a man is meant to be broken down and painstakingly analyzed. If you are one of those women, I don’t mean any disrespect, but for the love of Pete! Get a life.
Anyway. You can probably guess that I don’t have many close female friends. I know it’s hard to believe after all I’ve just told you, but it’s true. Throughout my childhood up until my early 20s when I got involved with my first serious boyfriend, all my best friends were male. Sean, Shawn, Claire, David, George, Gerald. Wow. Writing out that list suddenly made it clear that 3 of 6 former male best friends were gay. (But I digress.)

“Men and women can’t be friends because the sex part always gets in the way. … No man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.” -Harry Burns in When Harry Met Sally

Do you think there is truth to that statement? Why or why not? AND! Is it possible for a girl to say to a guy something along the lines of, “Hey, I think you’re pretty cool. Wanna grab a cup of coffee and hang out?” without the guy thinking she was coming on to him or wanting something more than just friendship?

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12 Responses

  1. trench says:

    My wife is the exact same way you describe yourself. It took me awhile to get used to all her “GUY FRIENDS”…. She told me the same things you posted about girls. I think she just has one or two close friends who are women.

  2. vincenzo says:

    i think it is possible J, but then again i’m a guy 😉

  3. Julie says:

    absolutely. and absolutely. i feel you girl, and maybe thats why we are cool. but yes it does happen-guys and girls can be friends. but, alas, it also happens every once in awhile that a guy ruins the friendship by trying to make it something its not. . .so lame when that happens.

  4. yuvonne says:

    There’s so much drama that occurs having girlfriends. I don’t want to compete/deplete in a friendship. I’ve always felt like I can let my guard down with guys. Unfortunately, I attract more gay men then straight, and yet it gets worse; the attraction normally grows to them developing a an interest because of me. I’m not comfortable with that. No, I don’t think it’s possible to maintain a friendship without sooner or later dealing with taking the relationship further.

  5. Patrick says:

    Harry Burns is an idiot!
    Men, imagine the “hot chick” in the office or at the bar you consider a friend you’d like to have sex with. Now imagine that same hottie on the pot pinching a loaf. Still wanna have sex with her? Case and point. HARRY BURNS IS AN IDIOT!

  6. brent says:

    keep in mind, harry was trying to justify to sally why she should sleep with him. so his intentions color the validity of the message.
    for me? one of my longest friendships is with a terrific woman who i’ve never slept with. and i cherish her friendship. wouldn’t have it any other way.

  7. LivingDotBill says:

    Hello 🙂

  8. Dukduk says:

    i have trust issues, so i don’t believe in my partner having “close” guy friends…i’m no an egu’ chauder either…just have some things i need to work out…or are i???

  9. Lescentive says:

    damn, my message didn’t go though…
    it is possible.. i’m a lesbian.. does that make the difference.. lol.. i don’t think so..
    i have tons of straight guy friends… we hang out and have drinks often.. i normally warn them about the crazy women they meet…
    i try to be helpful..
    julie, it is lame when they try some shyt when they have been drinking or mistake your kind friendship for something else..

  10. mimi says:

    this is an afterthought from our happy hour conversation. some bullet points:
    -i completely agree….men and even women can’t be broken down and analyzed uniformly because everyone is different.
    -regarding SATC….love this show but i don’t live by it. best piece of advice “he’s just not that into you”….common sense but it really just takes reminding yourself this before breaking it down. its simple when a man is not into you….that’s all that can be comprehended because everything else will probably piss you off or make you cry.
    -regarding female friends…all my best friends are from high school and even grade school and that’s one of the reasons why i remain close with them. i hate girl drama and will avoid it all costs. women use their intelligence in catty ways and will do whatever it takes because women rock.
    -it’s funny – i have less guy friends but am almost certain i would rather confide in a man than a woman. women judge! and the man…will really tell it like it is. i wish i had more guy friends but i went to an all-girls high school and all the men in my life are hard to come by since they have been snagged or are still touring singlehood.
    -men and women becoming new friends – i think when a man and women befriend each other without any previous social connection…there has to be some kind of attraction. it’s different when you become friends through other friends but befriending a man for the first time has to render some sort of attraction (not exactly physical or sexual) or you would never have clicked in order to develop your friendship. and it’s so true there’s always that line that could be crossed beyond friendship that is a whole other can of worms. and when you do cross the line – you are fooling yourself in thinking that it could remain unchanged.

  11. Dukduk says:

    …oh yea and i’m also an alcoholic!

  12. Gene Park says:

    Wonder of wonders, I have tons of girl friends that I’ve never had sex with or never tried to make a move on.
    Does that mean I don’t want to? No.
    Does that mean I’m willing to ruin friendships just on the chance that we might end up doing … whatever it is they call it nowadays? Also no.
    How many hot guys are you still friends with that you haven’t wanted to have sex with? Gay guys included. I can’t imagine there are too many.
    The hot girls I know who I don’t fancy any kind of relationship with, their personalities probably clash with mine so much that getting with them would disturb them more than me seeing them pinching a loaf. Those, as it turns out, end up being the best friendships I have.

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