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Just Let Me Eat Cake Whenever I Feel Like It

In my lifetime I can recall just two times I woke up crying from a dream. Both of them involved someone I loved dying and me weeping over their caskets. My father was one and my youngest brother was the other. When I woke up from the dreams I felt like I had been sobbing for days.
A few nights ago I had a most disturbing dream that made me cry in my sleep and didn’t involve the death of a loved one. In my dream I arrived home from work and found four of the loveliest looking cakes I’d ever seen on the kitchen counter. I cut myself a slice of one and after I ate it I cut another slice and before I knew it, I had eaten all four cakes. When I realized what I had done, I began to sob. Then I woke up and you cannot imagine my relief to find it was a dream and I had not, in fact, just devoured four whole cakes, one of them having been the most delicious guava cake I ever tasted. (I guess this means that not only do I dream in color, I also have the sense of taste?)
The reason I was so distraught about eating all those cakes and was so relieved to find it was but a dream is because since June I have lost 15 pounds and I don’t want to put that weight back on. I didn’t mention losing the weight because it just came off so gradually and it took a while to notice. Also, in the past I went on missions to lose weight and told friends and family about it and afterwards I always felt I was under so much pressure to lose weight because I didn’t want anyone to know I was failing at something I had set out to do. Like, how lame and vain was that?
Over the summer I had a doctor’s appointment and while I was waiting for the doctor to see me I studied a weight chart on the wall and saw that I was not at a healthy weight for my height. Naturally it was depressing news for all the reasons of vanity, but on that day in particular a little light went off in my head and at that moment I started a mission to drop weight not just because I wanted to look nice, but because I wanted to be healthy. See, on the wall next to the weight chart were posters with information on diabetes. My maternal grandmother and a paternal aunt both died of the effects of diabetes, so it runs on both sides of my family (and in Asians/Pacific Islanders in general). If I developed diabetes knowing that I could have prevented it just by changing my lifestyle a little, I would never be able to live down that regret.
So I left the clinic that day and went home and nagged Addison to take me hiking. Hiking begat walks on the beach, which begat swimming, which begat snorkeling. And sometime between June and today, I lost 15 pounds. What I have gained in experience, photographs and making memories with my husband and friends is immeasurable.
I should tell you that in terms of diet I have not cut anything out entirely. I still eat rice (I am, after all, an island girl) and other carbs. I eat dessert (just you try prying a mochi out of my hand). One of the things I’m doing differently is I’m eating smaller portions. I am training my body to eat smaller portions. I am keeping my body properly hydrated. I’ve also consciously cut down (not out) on sugar, salt and, get this, caffeine. With caffeine it wasn’t really a weight issue as it was a migraine and good night’s sleep issue. So now I rarely drink coffee or soda. Most of the time I don’t miss it, but when I do, I indulge because I don’t want to go through the day thinking about coffee, soda, or whatever. I really do believe that moderation is the key. So if I want to eat some potato chips, I’m going to go on and have myself some potato chips. A handful of Lay’s now and then is not going to kill me.
You can probably tell from reading my posts that the only exercise I get is during my little outings and adventures on the weekends. And for now that is enough for me. I am not now, nor have ever been, a ‘gym’ person. I just don’t have the attention span for the repetition of a treadmill or stairclimber. I like the kind of exercise that doesn’t feel like exercise so hiking and swimming works for me.
I still have ten pounds to go in order to put me right in the middle of the recommended weight for my height (I am not aiming for the low end of the spectrum). I haven’t set a target date to reach that goal because I am not on a mission just to lose weight. I am changing my lifestyle. So if it takes another 5 months to lose ten pounds, then so be it. I’ll get there in due time. And when I do, I can be confident that the weight won’t creep back up because of the way I have changed my mind about how I want to live.

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16 Responses

  1. fabmimi says:

    That’s great that you’ve made such a conscious choice to be healthier…I have a friend that lost 40 lbs by just cutting out soda! So yeah those little habits can go a long way. And I know the feeling of crying in your sleep, its the worst!

  2. disneymike says:

    Josie, I commend you for your efforts to lose weight and more importantly become a healthier, happier person. I have complete faith you will reach your goal in the appropriate time. ๐Ÿ˜€

  3. inna says:

    good for you- healthy and happy lifestyle with new experiences and fond memories to treasure. can’t beat that!
    btw- you look great!

  4. Josie says:

    Thanks guys. I really appreciate the encouragement.
    {{{Group hug!}}} lol

  5. Jennifer says:

    Great job Josie! You sound so level headed. I commend you for your pursuit to be healthy. Make sure you reward yourself somehow.

  6. Joie says:

    Way to go! Keep doing what you’re doing. Reading your post encourages me even more.

  7. Josie says:

    Thank you Jennifer and Joie!
    Glad I could be of some encouragement, Joie. ๐Ÿ™‚ Keep on keeping on!

  8. Jessica says:

    Josie,
    Good going, girl! Just so you know, I think you are sexy and beautiful already…sans the recent 15 lbs. I guess we need to take your even sexier bod out!
    The best thing about losing weight…the valid justification for buying brand new hot clothes;-)
    Jess

  9. Josie says:

    Thanks babe. You’re the best. Are you trying to butter me up to go out with you this weekend so you can add more drunkass pictures to your scrapbook? LOL

  10. Jessica says:

    I’m telling you…the project this weekend is to code/rip off a scrolling photo bar for my drunk ass pictures on pfg…you’re semi drunk ass is going to be on that scrolling picture bar, chick!

  11. Josie says:

    Jess, I don’t know whether I should be superexcited or superscared. Probably both? ๐Ÿ˜‰
    I just remembered my new favorite thing is posting video clips on L13. Maybe I’ll start a ‘Drunk Ass Video’ category. LOL

  12. min says:

    i’m not a dream interpreter or anything, but it sounds like your dream reflects that you have been stressing out about your weight issue. i’m glad you found something fun to do instead.. another great exercise is dancing the night away! (you end up eating a smaller portion b/fore you go out b/c you wanna fit into your jeans and you dont want to feel lethargic from eating too much)

  13. Josie says:

    Thanks Min! Dancing is right up there on the list of ‘exercise that doesn’t feel like exercise.’ ๐Ÿ™‚

  14. maricar says:

    Reading your post brought tears to my eyes. I had 50 pounds to lose after having Malia and it feels like it’s taking forever. I have those infamous dreams about eating and I hate it. Slowly but surely we’ll get to our goal. ๐Ÿ™‚

  15. Josie says:

    Maricar, you look fabulous in all the pictures I’ve seen you in! ๐Ÿ™‚

  16. vincenzo says:

    dude, if the island folk ever got around not to scorn the cyclists in all of us, then i would definitely recommend cycling—-i know, from experience, that it just feels good when you pedal your a$$ off right by rush-hour traffic…the SUVs just hate it when they see a cyclist overtake them and they can’t do anything about it ;-D

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