I had my very own American Beauty experience. I ran down to my car on the 3rd floor of the ITC parking garage to grab a sweater and that's when I saw it: a plain white plastic bag high in the sky gliding past me. I watched it sail gracefully across the bright blue sky as it made its way over the ITC building and down towards Alupang Beach Tower until I couldn't see it anymore. I imagine that white plastic bag woke up that morning and decided, Today I am not going to set still. Today I am going to fly. It was very cinematic and I didn't have a single camera on me to capture the moment which is why I am writing it down before the vision gets lost in the grey recesses of my memory.
Once in a while I go through an online identity crisis in which I question who I am, what my purpose is and where I'm going with this website. It's been difficult to write anything here lately because I'm not certain anymore who I'm talking to or, more importantly, what that reader's expectations are. I think some of you come here to find information about life on Guam because you are missing the place you once called home or are planning on moving here. Some of you come here because you know me IRL (In Real Life) and maybe we don't see eachother regularly and this website is a means of keeping in touch and up to date. Others of you happened upon this place by clicking a link from another website or search engine.
Ten years ago I started publishing to the web because it was fun and I was learning web design and needed a project to practice and develop on. I'm still having fun and I'll keep doing this until it isn't fun anymore. But now more than ever, I feel obligated to post information and links about Guam with more regularity and I've been guilting myself for not doing that. How do I deal with that guilt? By avoiding this place altogether.
The truth is I am a self-centered. There is no method to my entries; I write about the stuff I think is interesting or funny and I think little of the mass appeal of it. I love the feedback I receive through comments because they validate my online existence. But even if I never got a single comment, I think I'd continue to do this because, like I said, I'm self-centered and this website is really for me. The problem with feeling obligated is it keeps me from writing about things I want to share but don't because I don't think you'll find it interesting or entertaining or even relevant.
So what does this mean? I don't really know. I'm just thinking out loud here. I'll keep doing this until it stops being fun and I will try to ignore the self-imposed pressure I feel from time to time to define this website's format. This means there might be times where updates are few and far between but that really is the best I can do right now.
