Passing Time With Her In Mind
January 31, 2008
Sister, I hear you laugh
My heart fills full up
Keep me please
Sister, when you cry
I feel your tears
running down my face
Sister, sister, you keep me.
- Dave Matthews, Sister
***
Had she lived, my sister Bessie would be celebrating her 29th birthday today.
I don't talk about my sister a lot. Not because it's too painful for me to talk about her, but because I don't want to make people feel sad or uncomfortable. People don't really know how to respond when I tell them I have a younger sister who died seven years ago. To be honest, I don't feel that sad about it anymore. That might sound a little cold to you, but if you knew how sick she was and how she suffered through the last several months of her life, I think you'd feel the way I do. I'm sad she's gone and I'm sad I won't ever know what kind of woman she would have grown up to be, but I'm also very relieved she is no longer in pain.
The sadness I feel when I think of my sister is not of having lost her, but in the memories of her final days. I cannot tell you how painful it was to not be able to do anything but stand by and watch her suffer. The memory of my father breaking down at her bedside is still very raw. There was a look of helplessness and despair about him that I hope never to see again. It happened on the day she died, after having spent months in the hospital, having suffered through things unimaginable for someone so young including kidney failure and a stroke. Parents are not supposed to bury their children and I don't know if anyone recovers from that kind of heartbreak. Those are the memories that bring on the blues when I think of my sister.
I worry sometimes that I'll forget the details. I worry there may be things about her I've already forgotten. There are days I don't think about her and I wonder if this means I'm a bad sister or someone who doesn't care enough.
She was very pretty, very funny and very charming. She had a lot of energy. She liked hip hop, Adidas, and fixing up her car. She had tons of friends and they all loved her and loved being around her. Everyone did. She had a big smile and a big laugh and both were infectious. I miss that smile. I miss her.
***
Happy birthday, Bess.
Again With the Snakes
January 29, 2008
From the Washington Post: Guam Braces for Peaceful Military Incursion
"Although the island is typhoon-plagued and earthquake-prone, cursed with bad traffic, unable to cope with its own garbage and overrun with invasive tree snakes that have eaten nearly all the birds, the Guamanians aren't just blowing smoke."
(For the record, I've lived here over 20 years and I've seen two live snakes and three roadkill snakes.)
"The Pentagon has chosen Guam, a quirkily American place that marries the beauty of Bali with the banality of Kmart, as the prime location in the western Pacific for projecting U.S. military muscle."
I enjoyed this response to the story:
"As WaPo tries to paternalistically put it, Guam is 'a quirkily American place'. Yeah, like New York City is pretty quirky, and Berkeley is quirky and New Orleans is quirky.... More 'different' than 'quirky' really.
Guam 'marries the beauty of Bali with the banality of Kmart', and WaPo marries literature with cat litter, Seattle marries whales and Starbucks, Chicago marries blues and abattoirs..."
***
Last night my friends and I had a long conversation about foreigners and Guam hospitality. We don't hate on foreigners, tourists, or the military. Just the ones who decide they hate Guam after spending all of 10 hours in a hotel room or on a military base. The ones who have unrealistic expectations of the island i.e. they expect a tiny U.S. territory in the middle of the Pacific ocean to be exactly like the U.S. mainland. The ones who are not mindful or respectful of the local culture and customs.
My friends and I understand that Guam is not for everyone, and not everyone is going to love it and have a fantastic time here. That can be said about everywhere else in the world. But to someone who is willing to try new things, meet new people, and is mindful and respectful of the local culture, we say: pull up a chair and come and eat! That's Guam hospitality. And you won't find that everywhere else in the world.
